Countdown to an Epiphany
by charredfeathers
Summary: “Remember that old rusty swing in the park?” “The one I kicked you out of?” “… Yeah.” In which he tries to rob her house, she reminisces and they have the same best friend. SasuSaku AU.


**Countdown to an Epiphany**

….

**Summary: **"Remember that old rusty swing in the park?" "The one I kicked you out of?" "… Yeah." In which he tries to rob her house, she reminisces and they have the same best friend. SasuSaku AU.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Naruto.

OOC-ness.

….

**10. she needs to sleep more**

---

It's not an opinion. It's the truth. And I wondered, as I broke into this house and aimed a gun at the only person awake at exactly 4:32 am, if she's thinking the same thing.

"Oi, pinky," my voice was raspy because the AC was on full blast and it's freaking cold "Shut up and don't move."

I never imagined myself doing this. I've got enough allowance money in my wallet, a brother who always, _always_, gives me an extra twenty before I leave the house and a joint account with my best friend that we opened about two years ago. So I asked myself again, why was I doing this?

_"Because, dude, you need a LIFE!" _Said one idiotic, blonde boy who suggested the equally idiotic dare. I could vaguely remember all the facepalms that took place in my living room.

_"Oh, and Lee's done it before. You'd be so uberly lame and the biggest chicken ever if you can't do it." _And then the rest of the guys nodded sagely. It was surprisingly enough to get me convinced.

And so here I am, trying (and failing) to keep my ego intact.

She's got bottle green eyes, the weirdest pink hair and she just choked on her breakfast… and I remember her from the third grade. Cool.

I mean… _shit_.

I think I remember reading something from the Unofficial Robber's Guide to Robbing about this. It goes something like, 'If the Robber has a history with at least one of the Rob-ees, the mission is officially a failure…'. Yeah. That's probably _the _most official thing you can get from an unofficial guide book.

Haruno Sakura tilted her head at me, frowned and glanced at her unfinished breakfast before finally raising her hands up in the air... I grimaced because if she has enough time to do all of that, then that means she's not the least bit intimidated. Which is saying a lot… because I have the reputation of being pretty intimidating.

Not that she can see my face or anything… right?

---

**9. he's an idiot**

---

His name is Uchiha Sasuke and I know this because I had a crush on him and he doesn't have his ski mask on. Which is pretty stupid in my book… hence the title, Idiot which I bestowed upon him seconds ago before I launched into this internal ranting session in my brain.

I mean, if you're going to steal from somebody, the last thing you want is him/her remembering what your face looks like. Or is he confident enough that I would consider this as a traumatic experience that would ultimately cause some sort shock, thus, causing my brain to shut down?

Interesting. He's as arrogant as ever. Not for the same reasons, though.

Last time I checked, he didn't need to rob houses to get money in his wallet. I tried not to smirk in a demeaning, condescending way because obviously, that would land me into more trouble.

I raised my hands up in surrender as he pointed a pellet gun at my face.

"Sasuke," I acknowledged and tried my best to talk as conversationally as I can. "What are you doing?"

---

**8. she remembers me**

---

God, I was hoping she wouldn't.

"Sakura," I knew my tone was uneven because I could see her lips twitch upwards slightly. She must be trying not to smirk in a demeaning, condescending way because she KNOWS that that will land her into more trouble… or at least as much trouble as I can come up with.

"As you can see, I am trying to rob you."

"With a pellet gun?" She snorted and planted her hands on her hips. "This is hardly the most intelligent way to rob someone."

I stiffened at that. Then sighed and dropped the toy gun. It clattered as it hit the floor, the sound echoing throughout the house. I looked at her again and she looked as though she was trying real hard to stop laughing. It was then that decided.

Naruto is going to PAY for this.

---

**7. he's annoyed**

**---**

It wasn't surprising that he was. Maybe I should have let him steal a few twenties. He's probably trying to nurse his wounded ego or something… I should have tried to help him out.

Or not.

I hope he still hasn't forgotten that he embarrassed nine-year-old me in front of thirty-six third graders some seven years ago. That fangirl in me is still somewhat lusting for revenge. It's just right that I give her retribution. Besides, Sasuke's ego needs to shrink down a little.

"Mind if I sit?" I shook my head at his request, and he plopped down on the chair across from me and rested his face in his hands. "I'm never going to hear the end of this."

"So it _is _a dare."

I assumed that he was talking about the guys who pushed him into doing this sorry excuse of a challenge. And yeah, I completely agree with him on that. If it was a real robber breaking into a house, you'd expect him to run away as far as possible and not sit in front of me while I try to smother my giggles with bacon.

"Hn." He finally said. I took this is a yes because his vocabulary is really limited. I laughed at him and at his loss, but abruptly shut my mouth when he sent me one of those trademark glares.

Damn, he's gotten better with that.

---

**6. she's nice to look at**

**---**

It wasn't a crime to admit that, was it? But I guess she _is _good-looking. I wondered why I hadn't noticed that seven years ago. So I racked my brain for a good reason... It was probably because she spent half the time glomping me to death that I hardly noticed what she looked like since, you know… I was busy trying to pry her hands off of my neck and all.

I looked up from my hands and saw her staring at me intently, green eyes showing a mix of curiosity and amusement. I was a little weirded out by her ability to manage my mood. No one aside from Naruto was able to do that… It was like, I was annoyed at her for a second, and now I felt oddly neutral. She deserved some credit for that.

"I was wondering how you were going to do it."

_What? _

"What?"

"Rob the house." She said it with a chuckle and pushed an extra glass of orange juice towards me.

Oh.

Now that she mentioned it, I was half expecting that there was going to be a vault behind some painting in the living room. Wow. I guess I lost my sense of realism because of all the adrenaline pumping into my veins. Slinking up against walls with a gun in one hand does that to you.

"Hn."

Sakura laughed again and stood up from her seat to pop another slice of bread in the toaster.

---

**5. he's a lot stupider than people give him credit for**

---

He was seriously lucky for deciding to rob my house, and I was seriously lucky that he's only a sixteen-year-old kid trying to keep his self-image intact.

"Where are your parents?"

"They aren't going to give you money, Sasuke." I gave him his bacon and toast and he gave me a look of incredulity. I raised one perfectly arched brow at him. "Am I wrong?"

"I was only wondering why they aren't up yet… especially with all the racket we're making." He glanced sideways and picked up his toast. "And I've lost the dare anyway. It wouldn't matter."

"They're out of town," I blinked at him and sat down. "Couldn't you have given your friends just any wad of cash? I'm sure they wouldn't be on surveillance of something."

"Like I'd do that."

Tch. _Boys. _"Yeah. Whatever."

This kid needs some sun. He's all pale and smooth-looking and I'm starting to wonder if his brother was doing a good job of taking care of him. Though, he does look healthy (I'm saying this because I can see muscles on his arms). And he's still as pretty as before (or is he prettier?) so I guess the paleness was also part of his good looks… Oh and he's making conversation! I hadn't noticed that until now… and it's pretty cool. He used to try and gnaw his arm off when I kept pulling him towards the playground back when we were kids.

"Why are you laughing?" He was edging away from the table, probably thinking that I was crazy.

"Nothing. I just remembered some stuff."

"Right."

"Remember that old rusty swing in the park?"

"The one I kicked out of?"

"… Yeah."

"What about it?"

"That was where I first realized, you know."

"…That?"

"I had a crush on you."

---

**4. she's fangirling**

**---**

It would have been cooler if she was having Stockholm's instead. But then again, I didn't really have her hostage… so that little wish basically just flew out the window.

"Hn." Safe answer. This was probably the reason why I loved the 'word' so much.

Sakura was laughing. And again, I was completely lost in all of this.

"Oh stop being such an ass. I'm well over that stage, Sasuke." She said matter-of-factly and rolled her green eyes at me. She glanced at the clock on the wall and saw that it had been thirty minutes since I walked in on her eating breakfast, pointed a gun at her and engaged in this weird conversation.

I was a little offended by her calling me an ass and maybe a little (tiny bit) disappointed at her being over me. It was only natural, I guess. I'd been constantly giving her the cold shoulder, trying hard to shake her off every time she was stalking me and tried pushing her off the slide way, way back (_after_ I'd kicked her off the swing)… it was no surprise that she lost interest.

Truth be told, I was hoping I would be a little… happier than this.

My phone rang.

---

**3. he's confused**

---

I've always thought he looked cuter when he looked like that. Brows furrowed, with an unsettled expression on his face. It was really amusing to watch.

I'll make sure not to tell him that.

He held up a hand to tell me that he needed to take the call and I nodded my head in response. I watched him for a few seconds, marveling at the way he was talking in a voice that I could barely hear, whereas the voice from the other line was loud and grating. Sasuke gave me a look to tell me that he minded my trying to listen in.

I smiled at him and turned my attention the forgotten pellet gun on the kitchen floor. I thought that whoever came up with the dare was plenty stupid too. They'd have to be idiots to risk their friend's safety like this.

I felt a little sad for Sasuke too... for not having a friend who cared enough to stop him from doing the dare. I mean, if it wasn't me I would have pressed charges or something. And being _dared_ into breaking into someone's house in an attempt to steal something was hardly a good enough excuse.

"I broke into _Haruno Sakura's_ house, you idiot." I looked at my 'visitor' and raised an eyebrow at him.

He looked a little exasperated and scratched the back of his head in annoyance. I muffled my giggle and watched as he tried explaining everything to the hyperactive person on the other end of the line.

"No, I haven't been caught. I'm eating breakfast with her."

I blinked as he stood up and tore a post-it from the pad stuck on the fridge. Sasuke sat back down, got a pen from his pocket, scribbled hastily on the sheet and pushed it towards me, all the while talking with his friend on the phone.

---

**2. she's amused**

**---**

Because I gave her my number. Which was pretty subtle if you ask me… and we've met before so it wasn't all that weird if I decided to give her my phone number now, right? I don't think I was being smug about it either because I tried my best to not look at her as she picked up the neon green post-it and tucked it into the pocket of her sweatpants.

"I'm telling you for the last time, mission failed, you dumbass. I did not get a cent."

"Aw, Sasuke. You're missing the point! Did you honestly think that me and the guys would choose _that, _particular house for you to 'rob' just because we felt like it? And shame on you. You think we'd actually put you into so much trouble?"

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"You suck. And you insist on telling me that _I'm_ the idiot. Put me on speaker."

I rolled my eyes and glanced at the pink-haired girl sitting across from me. She still had that amused grin on her face.

"Sorry about this." I mumbled and put Naruto on loud speaker. I pointed the phone towards Sakura and she listened.

"Oi, Sakuraaaaaa! You have fun with Sasucakes, okaaaay?!"

"Is that-- is that Naruto?"

---

**1. they've been set up**

**---**

I flipped my phone shut and put up my feet on the desk, giving myself a pat on the back. Now Sasuke knows why my toenails are painted red, and Sakura's finally found out why I always have to miss out on movie night.

They're both stupid and they're just **MADE** for each other. This, I know for sure because I'm their **bestest** friend.

I am _such_ a genius.

….

**Author-person: **That was fun. Can't say much for the quality though.

Naruto isn't gay here, by the way (not that I have anything against gay people). What do you think Sakura would do if he tried refusing her attempts to paint his nails, hm?

Please Review! :)


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